I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
