3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
