oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
