i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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