oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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