I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
