I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I supernannyed him into submission
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize