if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
