I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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