so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
