she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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