every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
