There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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