That's intense
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
