So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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