If i come over, it means nothing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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