On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
