FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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