This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
