I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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