At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
