Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
