Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
