I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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