Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
