I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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