Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
