Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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