he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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