Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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