I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
