You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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