stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I touched a dick in church today
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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