at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
