things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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