it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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