so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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