I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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