is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
