I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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