wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
