I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
