so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
