I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
