I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
