D3 body, D1 cock
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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