You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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