Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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