dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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