I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
