This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
pray to the hookup gods
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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