It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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