dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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