i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize