I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
