Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why do cheetos always look like penises
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
