im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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