you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
