apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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