I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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