don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
