we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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