Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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