I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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