So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz