Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
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i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.