She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my being single is dangerous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
