Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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