Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
