Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
