She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
pray to the hookup gods
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
