the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize