I got chris browned last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
