he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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