so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I understand Curling. That high.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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