He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
