its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
