i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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